


What Could've Been A Lover

by vanilla_and_tea



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, F/M, Hurt No Comfort, One-Sided Attraction, One-Sided Relationship, fuck old men, jmmy magma hate account, nOt iN tHaT wAy tHoUgH, spoilers up to S3, yikers this one sucks huh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-29
Updated: 2020-12-29
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:48:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28414161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vanilla_and_tea/pseuds/vanilla_and_tea
Summary: Tim decides to try and jog his memory of Sasha one last time.So he does some casual breaking and entering.
Relationships: Sasha James/Tim Stoker
Comments: 1
Kudos: 5





	What Could've Been A Lover

Exactly 1 month, 3 weeks and 4 days after she died, after he found out that it had taken her face, he arrived at her house.

Tim knew it had been this long. He'd been counting. He had been counting every damn second, rifling through every memory he owned in a feeble attempt to remember, to see her face for what it used to be.

He _should_ remember. There should be no way that this imposter, this _thing_ could fuck with his memories and make him forget his own best friend's face, but no matter how many hours he spent staring at a blank wall, or scanning photo after photo of _her, her her,_ nothing clicked. His Sasha, the real Sasha, was nothing but an unfamiliar face. And now she was gone.

This was it. His last hope in finding some trinket or tool that would spark a memory, even a flicker of one in his head.

_"Stupid,"_ Jon had told him, _"You're not going to remember her. She is gone, and every trace of her left when it took over."_

Bull. Shit. He trusted himself. There would be something in there, there had to be something to help ease his mind. A note or-or a piece of jewelry. Anything.

"Anything," he muttered to himself while prying open her back window. "Anything at all." 

Landing in her kitchen with the crash of a broken vase following him, he began swearing like nobody had ever heard before.

"Breaking and entering is not usually my forté. There's a reason I leave this shit up to Martin," he complained to the empty air, scanning around for any alarms that might've gone off in his dramatic entrance.

Once he had made sure the coast was clear, he began his armageddon search.

Tearing through drawer after drawer of receipts, cook books and old address books. Reading every post-it note on the fridge, every pencil marking in a book. None of it familiar.

' _She even had different handwriting. How did none of us notice her handwriting.'_

No matter how hard he searched and scoured every room, not a thing brought up any recollection of her in his mind.

Even the photos she had lined up on her wall, of old company Christmas dinners didn't help.

Tim remembered these, of course he did. But the person in those pictures were _not_ the person he remembered sitting with that evening.

She wasn't the same person he had spoken to, made jokes to about the piss cheap wine. She didn't have the face of the sweet girl who had convinced him to throw cake at " _Elias' stupid fancy moustache"_ risk losing his job in the process.

He gave a hollow laugh at that. If only he had, he wouldn't be stuck in this hell hole that is his life right now. He'd be walking away, scot-free and not a worry in his mind. Maybe he would've gotten some therapy. Who knows.

He only had one thing to do now. Find the fucker who took his brother and his best friend, and burn the place to the ground.

Wiping away whatever mournful tears had gathered in his eyes, he stood up to leave. He figured he probably had to get out before the neighbours noticed a broken window and rang the police out of concern.

However, just as he was about to turn the corner, a small golden book caught his eye.

_"Fuck it_ , " he thought. _"Worth one last shot,"_

Opening the book, he saw it was filled with small illustrations. Nothing huge, just doodles of cakes and glasses, and a sketch that looked surprisingly similar to the "Worlds best replacement" mug they all got for Jon as a joke when he got his promotion. Needless to say, he did not take that very well.

Flicking to the last filled page of the book, Tim jolted with shock. This wasn't a drawing, but a long winded love confession. He felt almost as if he were trespassing on what little of her own thoughts remained, until he saw it was addressed to him.

Sitting down to avoid the waning sense of nausea that had overcome him, he began to read.

_Dear Tim,_

_Hi. God, that's such a shit way to start a letter, isn't it? I don't think you'd care either way, but still. Suppose this is what I get for never writing informal letters to anyone before._

_I'm getting sidetracked. Isn't it ironic how I can stall for time even in a letter? That has to be considered a skill , especially for someone of my status : "Archival Assistant" . Pretty cool name, huh?? Glad I get the courtesy of sharing it with you._

_There's a lot of things I'm glad for, actually. I'm glad I met you, I'm glad I get to see your stupid smirk every time you make fun of Jon or do a striking impression of Elias. I'm glad you know how to cheer Martin up because heavens knows I'm not good with handling all of that emotion. And I am so so glad I'm in love with you._

_\- Sasha._

Finishing this letter, Tim was gasping for air. He couldn't breathe in here. He didn't _know_ this person, didn't recognise them, didn't know their feelings, _never knew, never knew never knew-_

Before he was aware what he was doing, he had clambered back outside the house and into the garden. He sat under the tall oak tree with a crash, and steadied his breathing.

Feeling the tears streak down his face, he once again let out a hollow, bitter laugh.

"I never knew," he stated spitefully to himself through a grin.

"And now I never will."

**Author's Note:**

> They had to get rid of Sasha because she was simply too powerful. RIP to my favourite little archivist, you will be missed.
> 
> Follow me on tumblr @/vanilla-and-tea


End file.
